I read this from another blog that I follow every now and then... found it to be an interesting read... not that I agree with it completely... but does give one food for thought...
I dont know why... but well here is the post that I am talking about
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I Walk Alone.... Boulevard of Broken Dreams
A couple of weeks earlier... after returning my friends sister's scooter (An Activa actually but some stubbornly prefer calling it a scooty) at mehrauli....
I decided to walk back... I had no destination in my mind... Just music in my ears... words in my mouth... thoughts in my mind to give me company along that walk.
The walk started from the interiors of mehrauli... the smallest of bylanes that one can imagine... through shops... with people sitting around on the steps... peeping through their balconies.... some walking past to get to their homes... some walking by aimlessly with their friends... having a good time... and in midst of all this there I was... walking past with a song in my lips... and a tempest of thoughts and emotions... varying from every song that was being played... relating each and every one of them to some thought or the other... always putting two and two together and getting five... despite knowing that the answer should be 4... but how else would I be able to explain why they were not fitting... why things were not in its place...
Well anyways I kept walking... from thinking to the next bus stop to the next... kept walking like this till I had reached almost IIT... this was late in the night at 10... I was supposed to go to my friends place to pick up his bike... just dint feel like stopping... wanted to keep walking... but some sense got to me finally.. it was too late... and would have been indecent of me to barge into a home late in the night to take a bike that too for my own cause... too much to ask even if the friend would have understood... (funnily he realised without my saying so that I had been walking a long distance)
Well anyways that was the first part of the walk... a good 7-8 kms... dint realise how time went by...
Moving on to a few days back... took the bike and ripped across gurgaon to delhi... just to meet a couple of friends... in the night... there was nothing else remotely motivating on the offer.. not even a couple of drinks ;) ... yet I decided to go for it... it had been quite sometime since I had met them... so I ripped across town... met them at priyas... from there went with them in their car leaving the bike in the parking to pandara road for some dinner... time 1230am... post dinner me and my friend decided to walk back home... so that the other two friends could go back without any more trouble since one of them had a migraine... and had to go all the way to mayurvihar... another corner of delhi... I had no problem in making up my mind for the walk... surprising to be honest... wasnt sure that my friend would make it though.. but anyways we decided to go ahead... convinced our friends to leave without us... the time 0215am....
so there we were a couple of crazy guys one holding on to his helmet... walking in the middle of the night with no idea of the roads... but just decided to go back walking home...
The two of us were surprisingly silent on the walk back home... with the occasional banter of how our legs were feeling and yet felt we could keep going on... the random songs tht we sang... and from my end to be honest.. the occasional 'whats going on in ur mind' to escape from being questioned the same... just to show that I am very much present there physically as well as mentally. Well anyways, we reached AIIMS soon enough after making a slight halt at safdarjung flyover to enjoy the view... sadly it wasnt to be with all the construction going on... yet we stopped for a couple of minutes...and walked on...the time 0400am. We got there in good time actually considering tht we had decided in our minds tht it wouldnt be a surprise if we made it only by 0600am :)
I dont know why I wrote all of this... I remember I had this song in my mind before I started putting all the above onto paper... my walk from mehrauli...
Silly isnt it? Well... I remember humming to the song too while I was walking :D
"I Walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Dont know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a..."
Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
Anyways... to finish the incomplete post above... decided to take an auto as I had to get back to gurgaon... so went till priya's got a decent rate even @ tht time of the night (I wonder how tho) picked up the bike which neither one of us were counting on to be there (considering tht we had no papers on the bike... all lost... its his bike btw) dropped my friend back home... had a smoke half heartedly... but then neither felt like it so threw it away... and I rode back enjoying the beautif ul sky and the wind in my face.... in no hurry... glad abt tht too... coz funnily when I did make it home... I was stranded outside the house with no keys... as my friend was gallavanting himself somewhere in Delhi (For all tht walking tht we did, we had a guy who cud have easily picked us up...)
Well sat on the bike outside the house... under the black sky just the moon for my company :)
I decided to walk back... I had no destination in my mind... Just music in my ears... words in my mouth... thoughts in my mind to give me company along that walk.
The walk started from the interiors of mehrauli... the smallest of bylanes that one can imagine... through shops... with people sitting around on the steps... peeping through their balconies.... some walking past to get to their homes... some walking by aimlessly with their friends... having a good time... and in midst of all this there I was... walking past with a song in my lips... and a tempest of thoughts and emotions... varying from every song that was being played... relating each and every one of them to some thought or the other... always putting two and two together and getting five... despite knowing that the answer should be 4... but how else would I be able to explain why they were not fitting... why things were not in its place...
Well anyways I kept walking... from thinking to the next bus stop to the next... kept walking like this till I had reached almost IIT... this was late in the night at 10... I was supposed to go to my friends place to pick up his bike... just dint feel like stopping... wanted to keep walking... but some sense got to me finally.. it was too late... and would have been indecent of me to barge into a home late in the night to take a bike that too for my own cause... too much to ask even if the friend would have understood... (funnily he realised without my saying so that I had been walking a long distance)
Well anyways that was the first part of the walk... a good 7-8 kms... dint realise how time went by...
Moving on to a few days back... took the bike and ripped across gurgaon to delhi... just to meet a couple of friends... in the night... there was nothing else remotely motivating on the offer.. not even a couple of drinks ;) ... yet I decided to go for it... it had been quite sometime since I had met them... so I ripped across town... met them at priyas... from there went with them in their car leaving the bike in the parking to pandara road for some dinner... time 1230am... post dinner me and my friend decided to walk back home... so that the other two friends could go back without any more trouble since one of them had a migraine... and had to go all the way to mayurvihar... another corner of delhi... I had no problem in making up my mind for the walk... surprising to be honest... wasnt sure that my friend would make it though.. but anyways we decided to go ahead... convinced our friends to leave without us... the time 0215am....
so there we were a couple of crazy guys one holding on to his helmet... walking in the middle of the night with no idea of the roads... but just decided to go back walking home...
The two of us were surprisingly silent on the walk back home... with the occasional banter of how our legs were feeling and yet felt we could keep going on... the random songs tht we sang... and from my end to be honest.. the occasional 'whats going on in ur mind' to escape from being questioned the same... just to show that I am very much present there physically as well as mentally. Well anyways, we reached AIIMS soon enough after making a slight halt at safdarjung flyover to enjoy the view... sadly it wasnt to be with all the construction going on... yet we stopped for a couple of minutes...and walked on...the time 0400am. We got there in good time actually considering tht we had decided in our minds tht it wouldnt be a surprise if we made it only by 0600am :)
I dont know why I wrote all of this... I remember I had this song in my mind before I started putting all the above onto paper... my walk from mehrauli...
Silly isnt it? Well... I remember humming to the song too while I was walking :D
"I Walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Dont know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a..."
Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
Anyways... to finish the incomplete post above... decided to take an auto as I had to get back to gurgaon... so went till priya's got a decent rate even @ tht time of the night (I wonder how tho) picked up the bike which neither one of us were counting on to be there (considering tht we had no papers on the bike... all lost... its his bike btw) dropped my friend back home... had a smoke half heartedly... but then neither felt like it so threw it away... and I rode back enjoying the beautif ul sky and the wind in my face.... in no hurry... glad abt tht too... coz funnily when I did make it home... I was stranded outside the house with no keys... as my friend was gallavanting himself somewhere in Delhi (For all tht walking tht we did, we had a guy who cud have easily picked us up...)
Well sat on the bike outside the house... under the black sky just the moon for my company :)
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The Reason..
A Beautiful song... by Hoobastank.... the reason... dont knw wat to write... have so many things going on in the mind... too difficult to put them down on pen n paper...
Here's the video along with the lyrics...
The Reason - Hoobastank
I'm not a perfect person, As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new, and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you, It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears, Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a resaon for me, To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new, and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new, and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do, And the reason is you
Here's the video along with the lyrics...
The Reason - Hoobastank
I'm not a perfect person, As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new, and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you, It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears, Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a resaon for me, To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new, and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new, and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do, And the reason is you
Monday, June 2, 2008
Ice - Pice :D
Alright... I give up... I admit that you have been able to get here... albeit maybe with some good directions (not with a help of a map I am sure but yet with some help)... ;)
Let the brickbats soon cometh too... and yeah not to forget the bouquets if deserved :)
Let the brickbats soon cometh too... and yeah not to forget the bouquets if deserved :)
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The Notebook
This is how the movie begins.... something thats being said in the background...
"I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough. "
I must give credit to JD, thats from whom I first read these lines... fell in love with it then... got the movie and saw it recently... worth all the trouble I guess... It was Lovely
The letter that Noah writes to Allie:
"My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah"
The arguement that they have...
"Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out."
The easy way out... how does one recognize whether or not its the easy way out? How does one figure out whether it is actually what one wants?
I dont knw... I just have these simple beliefs... yet they are the hardest to follow... probably thats why I believe more in them... A little bit of hope... the rest are all just prayers... this way or that :)
"I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough. "
I must give credit to JD, thats from whom I first read these lines... fell in love with it then... got the movie and saw it recently... worth all the trouble I guess... It was Lovely
The letter that Noah writes to Allie:
"My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah"
The arguement that they have...
"Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out."
The easy way out... how does one recognize whether or not its the easy way out? How does one figure out whether it is actually what one wants?
I dont knw... I just have these simple beliefs... yet they are the hardest to follow... probably thats why I believe more in them... A little bit of hope... the rest are all just prayers... this way or that :)
an earthbound misfit....
above the planet on a wing and a prayer
my grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air
across the clouds I see my shadow fly
out of the corner of my watering eye
a dream unthreatened by the morning light
could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
there's no sensation to compare with this
suspended animation, a state of bliss
can't keep my mind from the circling sky
tongue-tied & twisted just an earthbound misfit, I
my grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air
across the clouds I see my shadow fly
out of the corner of my watering eye
a dream unthreatened by the morning light
could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
there's no sensation to compare with this
suspended animation, a state of bliss
can't keep my mind from the circling sky
tongue-tied & twisted just an earthbound misfit, I
Yet another movie
One sound, one single sound
one kiss, one single kiss,
a face outside the window pane,
however did it come to this?
A man who ran: a child who cried
a girl who heard, a voice that lied
the sun that burned a fiery red
the vision of an empty bed
The use of forge, he was so tough
she'll soon submit, she's had enough
the march of fate, the broken will
someone is lying very still
He has laughed and he has cried
he has fought and he has died
he's just the same as all the rest,
he's not the worst, he's not the best
And still this ceaseless murmuring,
the babbling that I brook,
the seas of faces, eyes upraised
the empty screen, the vacant look
A man in black on a snow white horse,
a pointless life has run it's course,
the red rimmed eyes, the tears still run
as he fades into the setting sun
one kiss, one single kiss,
a face outside the window pane,
however did it come to this?
A man who ran: a child who cried
a girl who heard, a voice that lied
the sun that burned a fiery red
the vision of an empty bed
The use of forge, he was so tough
she'll soon submit, she's had enough
the march of fate, the broken will
someone is lying very still
He has laughed and he has cried
he has fought and he has died
he's just the same as all the rest,
he's not the worst, he's not the best
And still this ceaseless murmuring,
the babbling that I brook,
the seas of faces, eyes upraised
the empty screen, the vacant look
A man in black on a snow white horse,
a pointless life has run it's course,
the red rimmed eyes, the tears still run
as he fades into the setting sun
Monday, April 7, 2008
My Friends First Post
Alrighty... My good friend Anant Chhibber... aka Antz... has taken his first baby steps to this blogging world...
He has written a really nice post about his cycling expedition commomerating World Health Day conducted by the Cycling community of Delhi, part of a Yahoo Group...
I must admit... I would have loved to be a part of it.... I mean the cycling experience... and I guarantee ya'll, If I were in Delhi I sure would have been giving my friend company for this... :)
For all those who are interested in going through his write up you can visit Anant's Blog that is there on the right under Blogs I read... and if that's too much work.. Just Click Here
He has written a really nice post about his cycling expedition commomerating World Health Day conducted by the Cycling community of Delhi, part of a Yahoo Group...
I must admit... I would have loved to be a part of it.... I mean the cycling experience... and I guarantee ya'll, If I were in Delhi I sure would have been giving my friend company for this... :)
For all those who are interested in going through his write up you can visit Anant's Blog that is there on the right under Blogs I read... and if that's too much work.. Just Click Here
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Nothing Else Matters
Nothing Else Matters - Cover by Apocalytica
Came across this video on the Rosebowl channel... one of the rare mallu channels that I like... prob because they show less of Mallu ;-)
I love the whole setup... the background... the idea of just the performers... cellists (?)... really nice.. ... nothing else matters - Cover by Apocalytica
Came across this video on the Rosebowl channel... one of the rare mallu channels that I like... prob because they show less of Mallu ;-)
I love the whole setup... the background... the idea of just the performers... cellists (?)... really nice... should be more of these :)
Saturday, March 29, 2008
"The Cuppycake Song"
No lip-syncing here folks, This is the REAL DEAL!: The original 1994 video of "The Cuppycake Song" (words and music by Judianna Castle) being recorded by the original artist (our daughter, Amy at age 3 yrs, 10 mo.) in our home studio.
Although there were many takes of the song during the session, this was the one that made it onto our BALLOONS children's CD(www.cdbaby.com/buddycastle)and the one which has generated so much interest on the internet.
Since uploading "The Cuppycake Song" to the web in 1996, it has truly taken on a life of it's own. On You Tube alone, there are currently over 2,000 videos using this song! In the last ten years we have received thousands of unsolicited comments from people of all ages across the US and many countries around the world who have been touched by this simple song and the tiny voice that sings it.
Now at last, you can see the face that goes with the voice. This should finally put to rest the false rumor that the song was sung by Strawberry Shortcake.
To read some of the many listener comments and to see additional photos of Amy, please visit us at www.cuppycake.com
Amy will be 18 on April 2, 2008 and enjoys creating
and editing her own videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQeGpmxcXMI
P.S: Amy sure seems to have grown.... ;-)
My Trip to Space - A Poem
"My trip to space was splendid,
it was beautiful indeed,
we could see all the planets,
and went far far away,
from the earth
just like small birds
we fly in the sky
no worry no school
we longed to be
in the sky forever"
This poem (??) was written by me (with a lot of help from mom I am sure) maybe when I was 8 or 9 years old. I found this in a diary recently...
I don't know why I post this here.... I mean why give a spade to be hit upon ;-)
Yet, somehow, I was smiling when I saw this... smiling at the silliness of age... I am sure I must have been dying to get out of writing this at that point of time, giving a hell of a time to my mom :)
Still, I guess I would like to keep this memory running... reminisce sometime in the future... ie of course assuming that this blog lasts that long... and I continue to visit if not keep writing :D
it was beautiful indeed,
we could see all the planets,
and went far far away,
from the earth
just like small birds
we fly in the sky
no worry no school
we longed to be
in the sky forever"
This poem (??) was written by me (with a lot of help from mom I am sure) maybe when I was 8 or 9 years old. I found this in a diary recently...
I don't know why I post this here.... I mean why give a spade to be hit upon ;-)
Yet, somehow, I was smiling when I saw this... smiling at the silliness of age... I am sure I must have been dying to get out of writing this at that point of time, giving a hell of a time to my mom :)
Still, I guess I would like to keep this memory running... reminisce sometime in the future... ie of course assuming that this blog lasts that long... and I continue to visit if not keep writing :D
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Ye Ye... :D
Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy :)
Have now officially started working on My Photo Blog
Hope to keep adding more pics... Just wish my hard disk that contains all the snaps starts working somehow :(
Have now officially started working on My Photo Blog
Hope to keep adding more pics... Just wish my hard disk that contains all the snaps starts working somehow :(
Monday, March 24, 2008
Pray for me Brother....
The first part of a possible series by A.R.Rahman...
What do I think of it?
Well I like it.... its a nice video... the use of just and black and white enhances the look.... and rahman sounds good when is singing in English.... I like it :)
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Gali mein aaj chand nikala….
Its funny how some things happen... ok.... maybe funny is the wrong word here.... but well I dont know what to make of it...
For the past couple of weeks and more… the moon has been pricy with its appearance.... havent been able to see it… have missed having the conversations that we used to have… ( yeah… talkin to the moon.. makes me a crazy person.....right? but then again does it??? )
Today someone posted this song on their orkut page...
A very beautiful song... soft and melodious....
Later during the night.... someone else (edition done - :) ) updates their profile on orkut... makes me go crazy... I dont know why it still affects me.... why I behave so… I mean.. I seem to be contradicting myself... but anyways... beginning to act mad and all hassled, I decide to step out for a walk and a smoke... and voila!!! The moon is out there... in the clouds.... with them still trying to cover the light shining through... sort of like a mist around it.... and the first thing that comes to my mind....
Jaane kitne dinon ke baad.... gali mein aaj chand nikala...
Must be purely coincidental that chand is someone I treasure... someone whose profile got updated.... another reason for me to lose my mind... seems paradoxical in some way.... I dont know.... but what is that I have done... what is it that I do....
Jaane kitne dinon ke baad...
gali mein aaj chand nikala...
For the past couple of weeks and more… the moon has been pricy with its appearance.... havent been able to see it… have missed having the conversations that we used to have… ( yeah… talkin to the moon.. makes me a crazy person.....right? but then again does it??? )
Today someone posted this song on their orkut page...
A very beautiful song... soft and melodious....
Later during the night.... someone else (edition done - :) ) updates their profile on orkut... makes me go crazy... I dont know why it still affects me.... why I behave so… I mean.. I seem to be contradicting myself... but anyways... beginning to act mad and all hassled, I decide to step out for a walk and a smoke... and voila!!! The moon is out there... in the clouds.... with them still trying to cover the light shining through... sort of like a mist around it.... and the first thing that comes to my mind....
Jaane kitne dinon ke baad.... gali mein aaj chand nikala...
Must be purely coincidental that chand is someone I treasure... someone whose profile got updated.... another reason for me to lose my mind... seems paradoxical in some way.... I dont know.... but what is that I have done... what is it that I do....
Jaane kitne dinon ke baad...
gali mein aaj chand nikala...
Friday, March 14, 2008
Today's fortune
Today's fortune: You will never need to worry about a steady income
Ha Ha Ha... who's ever worried about a steady income.... its the unsteady income that I am worried about.... ;)
Please anybody out there ready for a trade off.... ???? :D
Ha Ha Ha... who's ever worried about a steady income.... its the unsteady income that I am worried about.... ;)
Please anybody out there ready for a trade off.... ???? :D
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Aaarrrrrgggghhhh.....
Aaarrrrrgggghhhh..... Been wanting to write for so long now... have so many things that I want to write on... somehow cant seem to take the time out for it..
Alright Alright... I am just a lazy Bum procrastinating... something that comes easily to me I guess ;-)
But how can I help it if all these great mind wracking ideas come to me when I least expect it and when I am not near a pen n paper (the computer.. so to speak)
I have had the title... the text everything running through my mind....except it never gets down to paper... and all of this is happening probably while I am having a conversation with someone else or when I am doing something else.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh
Alright Alright... I am just a lazy Bum procrastinating... something that comes easily to me I guess ;-)
But how can I help it if all these great mind wracking ideas come to me when I least expect it and when I am not near a pen n paper (the computer.. so to speak)
I have had the title... the text everything running through my mind....except it never gets down to paper... and all of this is happening probably while I am having a conversation with someone else or when I am doing something else.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Today's Fortune...
Today’s fortune: You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems
Ha ha ha…. nice isnt it…. feels good… somehow we tend to relate with all that’s good going around you…. and also more-so to the bad things too….
Well I somehow am not sure about the fortune above… I havent tackled any of my most difficult and urgent problems of mine… hell I am not even sure what they are… everything seems to be so jumbled up… but then again.. thats been the way with me I guess…
Ha ha ha…. nice isnt it…. feels good… somehow we tend to relate with all that’s good going around you…. and also more-so to the bad things too….
Well I somehow am not sure about the fortune above… I havent tackled any of my most difficult and urgent problems of mine… hell I am not even sure what they are… everything seems to be so jumbled up… but then again.. thats been the way with me I guess…
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Random Thoughts...
it sure feels lonely……
I’ve been alone before…. but this sure takes the cake….
its like being alone from inside… how can that be… u cant be alone… u always have u with you whatever might be the case… but this time around… its seems like even that ‘u’ part is somewhere far away with her…
dont get ur mind running… the ‘u’ here is not her… i meant it more in the sense of the conscious… the soul.. the heart…
Yeah i know…silly…. maybe pathetic actually… to be saying this and writing it down to top it all….
but well… i guess i am saying the truth… why else would i be doing this…
you know its funny how things turn out…
i messed up…big time… i begged for another chance… i get it (?) and then as it would turn out…. i was at a place again begging for a chance for the same mess up… the same that had happened back then… somthing that whatever I did… it would never change… anyways… this is not abt tht… i got the chance… i worked on it… doggedly this time… with nothing in my hands…
somehow i began to think that things were changing… for the better this time… yeah the problems were there… there were problems she had…and i thought i was trying to the best to help her…. but somehow as it happened to turn out… it wasnt… or maybe it wasnt enough… well whatever it might be…
well surprisingly… i give in this time… (since she was sure that she was not happy with the way things were)… and me the silly fool that I am… told her that nothing else that mattered than her happiness… and if she felt that it was the right thing and that this would make her happy…so be it..
dint really know then… that was like the last nail on the coffin… my coffin… its true nothing matters than to see her happy… to see her smile… to see her feel free…
but somehow somewhere along the way… i kinda forgot how tht wud make me.. rather maybe i really did not forsee what that would do to me… no not her happiness and her smile and her being free…. but on the contrary… the lack of all those in my life… her presence… her everything…
and here i am now… at this juncture where somehow strangely i am not able to tell whether she is all that i just said…
i keep reassuring myself that maybe she is happy… that i am sure there are people keeping her happy and smiling…. however… i dont know why… its this strange new feeling… as much as i try to convince myself… i keep getting this thought… i dont knw… this question keeps creeping up… is she really happy… no not in the sense that a lover would ask or rather would secretly hope for… (being selfish ie) but well no… this is something different… i dont know… i somehow feel this inside… keep pacifying myself that its just mind games… but then… i dont know….
as much as i want her back… as much as i love her… i somehow still keep going back to saying the same thing… i hope that she is happy… that she is smiling.. that she feels free.. she feels the way she wants to feel…
i dont know what else to do… there have been many a times when i had wanted to say to her… but then… i really dont want to spoil anything for her… i really dont want to be the reason for her messing up something… i wish i knew what to do… and please not the regular jazz… let it go… move on… stuff like that… but no… i wish i knew what i could do to help her… i wish i knew…..
i miss it.. i miss it all… i miss everything… sometimes i miss me…. strange isnt it?
dont bother… its just the crazy me…. the nomad..correction…. the mad nomad :)
I’ve been alone before…. but this sure takes the cake….
its like being alone from inside… how can that be… u cant be alone… u always have u with you whatever might be the case… but this time around… its seems like even that ‘u’ part is somewhere far away with her…
dont get ur mind running… the ‘u’ here is not her… i meant it more in the sense of the conscious… the soul.. the heart…
Yeah i know…silly…. maybe pathetic actually… to be saying this and writing it down to top it all….
but well… i guess i am saying the truth… why else would i be doing this…
you know its funny how things turn out…
i messed up…big time… i begged for another chance… i get it (?) and then as it would turn out…. i was at a place again begging for a chance for the same mess up… the same that had happened back then… somthing that whatever I did… it would never change… anyways… this is not abt tht… i got the chance… i worked on it… doggedly this time… with nothing in my hands…
somehow i began to think that things were changing… for the better this time… yeah the problems were there… there were problems she had…and i thought i was trying to the best to help her…. but somehow as it happened to turn out… it wasnt… or maybe it wasnt enough… well whatever it might be…
well surprisingly… i give in this time… (since she was sure that she was not happy with the way things were)… and me the silly fool that I am… told her that nothing else that mattered than her happiness… and if she felt that it was the right thing and that this would make her happy…so be it..
dint really know then… that was like the last nail on the coffin… my coffin… its true nothing matters than to see her happy… to see her smile… to see her feel free…
but somehow somewhere along the way… i kinda forgot how tht wud make me.. rather maybe i really did not forsee what that would do to me… no not her happiness and her smile and her being free…. but on the contrary… the lack of all those in my life… her presence… her everything…
and here i am now… at this juncture where somehow strangely i am not able to tell whether she is all that i just said…
i keep reassuring myself that maybe she is happy… that i am sure there are people keeping her happy and smiling…. however… i dont know why… its this strange new feeling… as much as i try to convince myself… i keep getting this thought… i dont knw… this question keeps creeping up… is she really happy… no not in the sense that a lover would ask or rather would secretly hope for… (being selfish ie) but well no… this is something different… i dont know… i somehow feel this inside… keep pacifying myself that its just mind games… but then… i dont know….
as much as i want her back… as much as i love her… i somehow still keep going back to saying the same thing… i hope that she is happy… that she is smiling.. that she feels free.. she feels the way she wants to feel…
i dont know what else to do… there have been many a times when i had wanted to say to her… but then… i really dont want to spoil anything for her… i really dont want to be the reason for her messing up something… i wish i knew what to do… and please not the regular jazz… let it go… move on… stuff like that… but no… i wish i knew what i could do to help her… i wish i knew…..
i miss it.. i miss it all… i miss everything… sometimes i miss me…. strange isnt it?
dont bother… its just the crazy me…. the nomad..correction…. the mad nomad :)
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
On Love...
This is something that I found on another blog that I have started following recently...
The answers to most of the questions if not all was a yes from my side.... does that mean I am in love with me... does that mean that I was in love with the person that I once was... and most importantly does that mean that I was honestly in love?
But what matters probably is not how I see my answers as... but how the other person sees them... what the other person has to say to them...
And unfortunately, maybe not all questions that matter to the other person have been asked over here.. and maybe that's where I have failed miserably to be in a miserable situation like this. Aaah the joy and pain of being in Love... :)
Well here you go... the post that I have been talking about...
How do you know if he is the one?
1. Does he love you (he must have said it once sometime back then. Try to rack your brains and bring out that memory)
2. Does he try to make you feel better? (he might not succeed most of the times but trying matters)
3. Does he listen, atleast most of the time (when there is no match going on in TV or when he is not in the loo)
4. Does he always listen when you crib abour your hair and your weight though he may not agree with you on either complaints?
5. Does he reiterate that you did the right thing when you doubt yourself?
6. Does he ask you to go home and take rest when you say you have a bad backache or a sprained foot?
7. Does he make you laugh even when you are feeling really low and sorry for yourself?
8. Does he eat your cooking without saying anything bad about it?
9. Does he mention you on and off in conversations with other people, always fondly?
If your answer to most of the questions up there is yes, then you are goddamn lucky. Remember that not everyone gets a guy who is willing to do all this for them. Yes, they are a strange species, but then, so are we. Enjoy what you have.
The answers to most of the questions if not all was a yes from my side.... does that mean I am in love with me... does that mean that I was in love with the person that I once was... and most importantly does that mean that I was honestly in love?
But what matters probably is not how I see my answers as... but how the other person sees them... what the other person has to say to them...
And unfortunately, maybe not all questions that matter to the other person have been asked over here.. and maybe that's where I have failed miserably to be in a miserable situation like this. Aaah the joy and pain of being in Love... :)
Well here you go... the post that I have been talking about...
How do you know if he is the one?
1. Does he love you (he must have said it once sometime back then. Try to rack your brains and bring out that memory)
2. Does he try to make you feel better? (he might not succeed most of the times but trying matters)
3. Does he listen, atleast most of the time (when there is no match going on in TV or when he is not in the loo)
4. Does he always listen when you crib abour your hair and your weight though he may not agree with you on either complaints?
5. Does he reiterate that you did the right thing when you doubt yourself?
6. Does he ask you to go home and take rest when you say you have a bad backache or a sprained foot?
7. Does he make you laugh even when you are feeling really low and sorry for yourself?
8. Does he eat your cooking without saying anything bad about it?
9. Does he mention you on and off in conversations with other people, always fondly?
If your answer to most of the questions up there is yes, then you are goddamn lucky. Remember that not everyone gets a guy who is willing to do all this for them. Yes, they are a strange species, but then, so are we. Enjoy what you have.
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